The Two Most Essential Elements for Growth: Challenge and Support

Introduction

I’ve seen it time and again in youth sports—two coaches, both with the best intentions, but their approaches couldn't be more different. One coach skillfully guides the kids to new heights, while the other overwhelms them with critiques, piling on so much pressure that the players become too anxious to perform even the most basic tasks. It might look like they are winning because, for many years, this intense, hard-driving style of coaching has been seen as the path to success. It gives the impression of discipline and hard work, which can lead to short-term results. But there’s something missing. True growth happens not just through pressure, but through the right mixture of challenge and support. It’s not about who cares about winning more; it’s about mastering the art of guiding growth.

This principle applies everywhere: sports, business, leadership, even at home. Leaders often mistakenly believe that piling on challenges, yelling for results, and micro-managing effort leads to success. But true leadership—like skilled coaching—recognizes that growth depends on combining developmentally appropriate challenges with the right physical, mental, and emotional support.

At home, my spouse and I use age-appropriate challenges for our kids. We don’t expect the same from a seven-year-old as we do from a teenager. We give them tasks that match their abilities, teaching autonomy without overwhelming them. We help remove obstacles when needed, provide guidance where appropriate, and offer encouragement and praise along the way. Whether on the field, in the office, or at home, growth happens when you strike the right blend of challenge and support.

Understanding the Distribution of Challenge and Support

Leaders often fall into the trap of thinking relentless challenges drive performance. They raise expectations and tighten deadlines, assuming it will push people to rise to the occasion. However, without adequate support, this approach can lead to disengagement, stress, and breakdowns in communication.

I learned this lesson early in my career. Eager to scale my business, I used a "carrot and stick" approach—rewarding compliance and punishing failure. Instead of motivating my team, this created chaos. I was too focused on challenging my staff to achieve important outcomes while at the same time neglecting to support the people who were driving those outcomes. Without support to underwrite the challenges, I wasn’t fostering growth; I was breeding frustration.

The Turning Point: A Personal Shift in Leadership

The real wake-up call came during a psychometric evaluation, when the Predictive Index assessor asked, "So, Matt, how big is that hammer you carry around with you?" That question hit me hard. He didn’t even know me, yet he saw right through me. I was stunned. I had no idea I was overwhelming my team with relentless challenges and offering little to no support. I thought I was being a successful businessman, an awesome leader, and a great boss. But the reality was, the businesses were not flourishing. We were doing okay, but not growing the way they should have been.

It was a huge blind spot for me, and I knew if I ever wanted to succeed the way I envisioned, I had to fix it. After months of frustration, trying and failing to improve things, I was about ready to give up. Then, one day, I noticed a yellow sticky note above my desk. I don’t know when I wrote it, but the words were crystal clear: "The two most important elements of growth are Challenge and Support."

That sticky note changed everything. It made me realize I had been the overbearing coach—pushing challenges without offering any support. With this new understanding, I slowly began to shift my approach, both as a leader and a parent.

Practical Application of Challenge and Support

Here’s how I applied this philosophy, both in business and at home:

• Delivering support along with challenges:
  Challenges should stretch a person without overwhelming them. Support ensures they have the tools to succeed. Example: After assigning a challenging project, I provide training or break tasks into manageable steps. At home, I teach my kids how to solve a problem without doing it for them.

• Recognizing signs of overwhelm:
  I began to tune into non-verbal cues like body language and tone of voice to spot signs of stress. Example: If an employee looks frustrated, I ask how they’re feeling and adjust their workload or offer assistance. If my kids get stuck on homework, I suggest a break or guide them where to start.

• Engagement through questions:
  Instead of assuming needs, I ask directly. Example: I hold check-ins with my team to ask what obstacles they face. With my kids, I ask, “What can I do to help?” to gauge whether they need guidance or just encouragement.

• Building a culture of openness:
  I made asking for help a strength, not a weakness. Example: I thank team members who ask for help, reinforcing a collaborative culture. At home, we emphasize that it’s okay to ask for help when they feel stuck.

• Addressing avoidance tactics:
  Avoidance often signals that someone feels unsupported. Example: If an employee avoids a task, I discuss the challenge and provide extra training or pair them with a colleague. If my kids avoid chores, we break it down into smaller goals.

• Creating the right environment for growth:
  People need a safe space for trial and error. Example: At work, I encourage a “fail forward” mindset, where mistakes are learning opportunities. At home, I emphasize that mistakes are part of the learning process, whether it’s solving a puzzle or learning a new skill.

The Impact on Business, Family, and Personal Growth

Pairing challenge with support led to growth—not just in my business, but in myself and my family. My team felt empowered to take on challenges because they knew they had the support they needed. Communication improved, and so did results. They even learned how to support themselves and each other during difficult times.

At home, my kids thrived when I gave them challenging tasks paired with the reassurance of support. It strengthened our connection and made daily interactions more positive. And they viewed their ability to accomplish difficult and not so fun tasks as a satisfying win and accomplishment.

Most importantly, I grew as a leader and a person. Leadership isn’t just about driving results; it’s about growing people—including yourself.

Conclusion

Whether in business or at home, it’s crucial to assess how well we integrate the essential elements of growth—challenge and support. It’s not simply about "balancing" the two, but ensuring both are fully present in every opportunity for development. Each situation requires the right blend of challenge and support, tailored to the individual and the moment. Some people may need more challenge at times, while others might need more support. The ability to recognize what your team members or family need is a key aspect of great leadership.

Be the leader who ensures that challenge and support work together, fostering real growth, resilience, and success. Let’s commit to integrating both elements in our leadership, starting today.